Date posted:
We're living through an age where performance has become the default. Our feeds are filled with polished versions of reality whilst the messy, genuine moments stay hidden. We've learned to present acceptable versions of ourselves rather than who we actually are, and the gap between those two has grown exhausting.
pretending
Maintaining multiple versions of yourself is like running too many programmes on your computer simultaneously. Eventually something crashes. You're one person at work, another with family, someone different with friends and yet another version in intimate relationships. Each requires mental energy to maintain and the cost accumulates quietly until you're drained without quite knowing why.
What makes this particularly lonely is that even surrounded by people, you're not actually being seen. They're responding to the curated version whilst your real self remains hidden. You can have countless connections and still feel profoundly alone because none of those connections are truly with you.
What authenticity looks like
Authenticity isn't about oversharing or making everyone uncomfortable. It's about alignment between what's happening inside you and what you express outwardly. It's knowing what you genuinely want rather than what you've been conditioned to want.
In my work as as an escort in Melbourne, I see what happens when someone finally communicates their actual kink escort desires instead of performing what they think is expected. When they're honest about what doesn't feel good rather than faking pleasure. When they show up as themselves rather than as the version they believe will be most desirable. The relief is palpable.
This applies beyond intimacy. It's being honest about struggling without performing vulnerability for sympathy. It's expressing genuine joy without worrying about judgment. It's setting boundaries that honour your actual limits and admitting when you don't have answers.
Starting small
You don't need to transform overnight. Authenticity builds through small choices. Start by noticing when you're performing versus when you're genuine. Pay attention to the gap between what you actually feel and what you express.
Practice being real in low stakes moments first. Share a genuine opinion you'd normally hide. Be honest about a small preference. Express a real emotion in a safe relationship. These build your capacity for larger acts of authenticity.
Find spaces where realness is welcomed. Not every relationship needs deep authenticity, but you need somewhere you can be genuinely yourself. Get comfortable with some people misunderstanding you because trying to make everyone understand often leads straight back to performance.
Choice
Choosing authenticity means risking rejection and potentially losing connections built on you being a certain way. But connections built on performance aren't actually intimate because they're not with the real you. When they break, you're not losing genuine connection, you're losing the exhausting work of maintaining a facade.
The cost of inauthenticity always exceeds the risk of being real. The loneliness of never being truly seen, the exhaustion of constant performance and the disconnection from yourself all accumulate in ways that diminish your wellbeing.
Underneath whatever adaptations you make for different contexts, you can remain connected to who you actually are. That's what authenticity offers, the chance to finally be fully human.
Love Evie
Evie Elysian works as a Melbourne escort duo with her real-life partner Axel Meridius. offering threesome escort experiences for people of all genders and sexual orientations.
