Date posted:
A story most men absorb somewhere between adolescence and adulthood is that some men are just naturally good at sex, that skill in intimacy is something you either have or you don't, and if you have to think about it too hard, that's already a sign you're behind.
This is untrue.
Because what it actually does is convince men that asking questions, seeking knowledge or admitting uncertainty is evidence of inadequacy. So instead of learning, they perform, and instead of asking, they assume. Instead of paying attention, they rely on a script handed to them by a combination of bad sex education, cultural mythology and, let's be honest, pornography.
And then they wonder why something feels wrong or thir partner is not happy.
The truth is that intimacy is a skill, a collection of skills actually. Presence, communication, attunement, reading another person's body and responses, understanding your own patterns and triggers, knowing how to create safety and how to navigate vulnerability. None of this arrives fully formed, and all of it is learned.
I think about the things I genuinely didn't know in my twenties and it's a long list, not because I was careless or arrogant, but because nobody taught me and I didn't know enough to go looking back then. I had enthusiasm and I had desire, but what I lacked was actual knowledge and the self-awareness to recognise its absence.
What changed things for me wasn't a single moment but a gradual accumulation of paying closer attention, to partners, to feedback both spoken and unspoken, to my own responses and what was driving them, and to the gap between what I thought I was offering and what was actually being received. That last one is particularly humbling.
Good intimacy requires the same things that any developed skill requires: curiosity, practice, honest self-reflection and a willingness to be a beginner. The men I've encountered who are genuinely skilled at connection, the ones who create real safety and presence, are almost universally the ones who approach intimacy with openness.
The natural lover doesn't exist, and he never did. What exists instead are men who were willing to keep learning, keep listening and keep showing up honestly even when that felt uncomfortable, and that's available to anyone who's willing to drop the myth first.
Axel Meridius · Independent Melbourne Male Escort
Axel works as an escort couple in Melbourne with his real-life partner Evie Elysian under the joint name Evie + Axel, offering escort threesome services for clients of any gender or orientation.
