Dating as an escort...
When you go on dates that last an hour, $400 an hour, can you really be happy dating a guy who you just met at the bar who won't even offer you to buy a drink?
So, let's get down to it, what's it like dating as an escort?
Disclaimer, I don't speak on behalf of all escorts, this is all through my own personal experience.
Let me assure you, we all still are human with capacity for emotions, needs and wants. So what do I do? Do I hop on tinder and swipe left, swipe right? The process may take a few minutes to match me with someone but who is actually willing to go on a date? For me, I'd be looking at the bottom of a barrel. Dating for me is non-existent. My love life is as dry as the Sahara Desert. That is my REALITY!
You may be surprised, for me, I am very different to how I am at work like a Batman and Bruce Wayne persona. It is far easier for me to sleep with someone workwise, not because I get monetary gratification for my services, but there are fewer normalities and emotional attachments to warrant me to do so. Whereas on a casual date, I require more than just sleeping with someone. I'm yearning for chemistry, to mentally connect and sexual attraction. You know those moments where you both say the exact same thing and pause to smile & laugh at each other? That's something I long for, someone who can hold a conversation who writes more than one lined conversation without abbreviations such as WYD, HRU, wot u up 2?
You have to admit, everyone has their kinks. From role-playing to straight submission, but me? My favourite is being a sapiosexual. Which means, I enjoy someone's mind, their intellect more than what was bestowed upon them physically.
I'll be honest, attraction does play a part in getting through the door, but the mind and the conversations is what keeps that door locked and me staying for as long as I can.
I was 24 the last time I was on a dating site, I find them draining albeit boring and felt like a chore to constantly filter through all the profiles like I’m working in HR to hopefully find that stand out candidate amongst the rest. Don't mistake my minor checklist for marriage, as that's not it at all.
Anyone can have sex with anyone, after getting a text that reads, "Hey babe, come over I'm in bed" over on the app, it's that easy. But you know what's difficult? Building that connection, that spark with someone prior to making love. Have you watched, Pretty Woman? Where Vivian gets in a fight with Edward for not valuing her more than just a colleague at 'work' after he caught feelings? I don't want to go through that, I'd rather much take my time with someone to get to know them and eventually dive in deeper to know what makes them get out of bed every day and start living.
Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer meeting men at a bar, at a cafe, walking the dog! Whatever, just not online. Which in turn, unfortunately makes it that much harder. As we age gracefully, we seek different traits & wants from someone. When one-night stands were sufficient then, is now a friends with benefits is more suitable. I've had my fair share of one- night stands and much prefer the friends with benefits situation - company and sex! The perfect combo.
Achieving the perfect work-life balance is tough, whichever industry you're in. But when that industry involves sex, that balance gets even tougher. From first dates to long-term relationships, is there ever a right time to tell your sex partner that you also have sex for money?
In any industry you're in, the perfect work-life balance may be a fairy tale for some. But when that industry involves sex, I'm walking on tight rope with only my body to balance myself. From first dates to long-term relationships, telling my partner that I have sex for money may be a one-way ticket to a break-up. Dating for me is that much harder as I am not open about my business, with so many secrets and lies. It's extremely exhausting, I would immediately fail at a lie detectors test as I am the worst liar. I am way too honest for my own good so I find lying terribly difficult, I can't say I work at .... 'Oh, you know that job I do!'. Perhaps it's a bank, or a night clerk, or a bartender. Which excuse is it today? I can't keep track.
I find they always ask more questions than the police interrogating a suspect, where I'm always under the spotlight, especially the 'Why are you so private'? I always struggle with to answer.
Yes, I have been on both sides of the fence prior when dating. A. He knew upfront before we got together and then also, B. I didn't tell him at all, yes you can begin judging now. Both situations still deal immense pressure to me and the other, they both involve guilt, deception, hurt and a slight cut off of emotions where I'm not able to expose myself freely and give 110% of myself completely. I find it harder to commit emotionally while on the job - It's hard work, my life isn't a cut out scene from Breakfast at Tiffany's.
I find dates draining, being interviewed for half an hour being asked monotonous questions that we all know at the back of his head is one obvious thing, 'Will I get laid tonight?' and pause. No, not everyone is out for sex. I know, but it is still on the agenda at some point, there is no use hiding it, I've been in the industry long enough to know how it works. I sometimes find myself slipping into treating my dates like dates with my clients - old habits die hard.
So, you might be wondering, if I don't like the dates, online dating and the one-night stands, where does that leave me? A whole lot of nothing, so I have given up on the dating front, as I have discovered whilst on the job it is too difficult, and I don't have the patience for it.
Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy my job a little too much and get enough out of work that I don't need to seek dating someone. Perhaps, I've been single for so long that I can't commit and prefer to be non-monogamous. Whatever it is, I do know for the current moment, dating is out of the question. Dating whilst in this job works for many and many do. We are capable of love - real love! Some people often have partners who do know what they do and support that, it can work for some.
At times It can be hard to turn it off, when on or off the job. I brand myself as being authentic as possible as an escort, fun and quirky, but always honest. That is who I am, and I am careful in meddling waters of what persona I am reflecting upon to my dates. Perhaps I desire some normalcy. Like at the start I mentioned, I am after all human. I would love to have conversations where I'm not wearing my working hat. Being at the top of my industry requires intimacy, sometimes, and with the right person, the fine line between "business" and "personal" might start to blur If I'm not careful.
I'm sure I'm not alone on this matter.
Sometimes you meet absolute dreamboats that make your head spin about the wonderful possibilities and dream scenarios beyond the normal client-escort dynamic. Unfortunately, dating is not an easy decision to make as privacy and trust is always the roadblock that stops the ship from sailing. Pursuing the vocation is attached to the stigma that it comes with it; my identity is the most important factor to me for protection. I am thus caught in a catch-22. It's an occupational hazard that I willingly accept, one could say the idea of true love is improbable for an escort.
But I do not rule out the possibility of love. Curiosity keeps me on my toes, and I still have a long way to go. So, if I do meet an amazing person that is of course not a client of mine - I'd roll with the punches and take a leap of faith, because after all...
Life is a box of chocolates; you never know what you're going to get.