Date posted:
When I first began working as an intimacy provider, I thought I understood people fairly well. I'd done years of personal development work, immersed myself in understanding various therapeutic modalities and considered myself pretty insightful about human behaviour.
Looking back, I was adorably naive about just how much this work would teach me.
Escorting has become one of the most profound educations in human nature I could have received. The patterns I've witnessed and the vulnerabilities I've been trusted with have fundamentally changed how I understand humanity.
Nearly everyone is carrying something heavy
Every single person is carrying something. Grief, shame, loneliness, fear, past trauma or simply the exhausting weight of performing their life rather than living it authentically.
I've worked with highly successful people who seem to have everything figured out, yet they're struggling with profound loneliness. I've held space for people navigating loss or health challenges who just need someone to witness their pain without trying to fix it.
Suffering is universal. What varies is how people respond to it. This work has taught me to approach every person with real compassion, because everyone is going through something.
Shame around sexuality runs deep
Almost everyone carries shame about their sexuality. People feel guilty for having desires at all. They believe their fantasies are wrong or their bodies are inadequate.
It's deeply unfortunate to see how much energy people waste fighting against their own perfectly normal sexuality, convinced there's something fundamentally wrong with them.
The bright side is witnessing how quickly shame dissipates when it's met with genuine acceptance and compassion. When someone realises they can share their desires without being rejected or judged, something shifts profoundly.
The shame isn't inherent to sexuality. It's learned, which means it can be unlearned. Facilitating that process has become some of the most meaningful work I do.
People often struggle to know what they want
Someone might book a full service encounter because they think they need sex, but what they really need is to be held and told they matter. Another person might request education when what they're actually seeking is permission to explore a hidden part of themselves.
I've learnt to listen not just to what people are explicitly asking for, but to the energy underneath that request. The deeper need usually reveals itself once trust is established.
Touch is not a luxury
Human beings need physical touch. Not want, need. It's fundamental to our wellbeing and nervous system regulation.
I have experienced seeing the deep movement in a person through the simple act of being held with genuine care. Shoulders drop, breathing deepens, faces soften and their body releases.
Many people come to me touch-starved after years without adequate physical affection. Seeking professional touch services is legitimate healthcare and self-care, not something to be ashamed of.
Kindness matters more than skill
I came into this work with great knowledge about bodies and pleasure techniques. What I've learnt is that technical skill matters far less than the quality of presence and kindness I bring.
People remember feeling genuinely cared for far more than any specific technique I used. Simple acts of warmth when someone is nervous, genuine enthusiasm for their desires and patience when they need time to feel safe have more impact than any advanced technique in the toolbelt.
The quality of my presence matters most. People don't need me to be perfect. They need me to be genuinely kind and present.
People want permission
When clients come for sessions, they often come with a subconscious hope for permission. Permission to be real. Permission to take up space. Permission to experience pleasure without shame.
So much of our conditioning teaches us to shrink and put others first. What people often need most is someone giving them explicit permission to honour what they actually want.
This has made me aware of how often I seek permission outside myself when what I really need is to give myself permission.
Everyone is doing their best
Most people are genuinely doing the best they can with the resources and circumstances they have.
People aren't damaged because they struggle with intimacy. They're navigating complex conditioning, past experiences and a culture that provides shockingly inadequate education around fundamental human needs.
This perspective has cultivated deep compassion in me for all people, including myself. We're all carrying invisible struggles, doing our best to navigate a world that often makes authentic connection unnecessarily difficult.
What this means for me
Escorting has fundamentally changed how I move through the world. I'm more patient with people's struggles, more accepting of human imperfection and more aware of the courage it takes to be vulnerable.
This work has made me a better partner, a more compassionate friend and more forgiving of my own limitations. It's taught me that shame dissolves in acceptance and that small acts of genuine kindness can be transformative.
Every person who trusts me with their vulnerability is a teacher showing me something essential: our profound need for connection, our capacity for courage and our beautiful complexity.
The privilege of witnessing people in their most vulnerable moments has been the greatest gift of this work. It's shown me that beneath all our differences, we're remarkably similar in our needs, our wounds and our capacity for healing when we're met with acceptance.
This is work that has cracked me open in the best possible way. And for that, I'm genuinely grateful.
Love Evie
