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Throughout my adult years, I've consistently found myself drawn to women romantically and have exclusively formed deep relationships with female partners. Yet I've recently come to understand something fascinating about my own sexuality: I can experience authentic attraction towards men, but only when feminine energy forms part of the equation.
This discovery isn't rooted in being closeted or confused about my identity. Rather, it represents my growing awareness that attraction operates contextually for me, shaped by specific circumstances and dynamics. In solo interactions with men, sexual attraction simply doesn't materialise. However, introduce a woman into that space and everything transforms into something entirely different.
When both masculine and feminine energies are present, there's a particular tension and flow that becomes incredibly compelling to me. It's this interplay between contrasting forces that generates genuine arousal.
A helpful comparison
When explaining this to other predominantly straight men who find it difficult to understand, I often use this comparison:
Think about how you respond to visual erotica. A solo woman would typically create arousal, while a solo man wouldn't register sexually. Yet when you see a man and woman together, something shifts. The visual combination of masculine and feminine sexuality creates something that most heterosexual people find stimulating. This mirrors how I experience real-life encounters involving myself, another man and a woman.
Since beginning these conversations, I've discovered my experience resonates with others. Many men find that when both masculine and feminine energies are present, it produces encounters that surpass what either energy might offer independently. The contrast, the push and pull between different types of energy, creates its own unique magnetism.
During these experiences, I don't suddenly develop attraction to masculinity itself. Instead, the convergence of energies creates a dynamic that feels magnetic and exciting. The real chemistry lives in the space connecting all three participants.
When desire becomes situational
Human sexuality demonstrates remarkable contextual flexibility. Someone might primarily feel drawn to one gender yet find themselves genuinely enjoying intimate connection with someone of their own gender in particular settings, perhaps during a threesome with their partner.
They might uncover forms of attraction or connection that simply don't exist in one-on-one encounters. This doesn't automatically alter their fundamental orientation or demand fresh terminology.
This type of situational responsiveness happens more often than we openly discuss. Sexual attraction and meaningful connection can surface in unexpected contexts, shaped by interpersonal chemistry, environmental factors, specific activities or even the unique combination of personalities and energy present.
For me, these encounters feel completely genuine and aligned with my authentic self. They aren't lesser experiences because they don't conform to conventional patterns. They represent real moments of human connection that have broadened my self-understanding and awareness of what brings me joy.
The spectrum perspective
I believe sexuality operates as a continuum rather than fixed categories, with most people positioned somewhere between absolute poles. Many individuals with generally heterosexual orientations also have the capacity for same-gender attraction within specific parameters.
It's perfectly acceptable to enjoy physical intimacy with someone of your own gender without requiring a complete redefinition of sexual identity. Our attractions respond to context, energy dynamics, emotional bonds and numerous other variables.
Personal growth and broader understanding
Acknowledging and embracing this aspect of myself has felt tremendously freeing. I no longer feel compelled to analyse every moment of attraction or intimacy through the lens of "what does this reveal about my identity?" because ultimately, it's irrelevant. Instead, I can value connections and experiences for precisely what they offer in each unique moment.
This awareness has also enhanced my empathy for others whose experiences don't align with standard categories. Sexuality remains deeply individual, and every person's particular journey deserves validation, whether they connect strongly with established labels or find themselves navigating completely uncharted territory.
The choice around labels
Ultimately, labels exist as tools designed to help us understand and communicate about ourselves. When they fulfil this function effectively, they prove valuable. When they become constraining or fail to accurately represent our lived experience, we shouldn't feel obligated to adopt them.
My partner Evie has written extensively about attraction, identity and the intricacies of contemporary sexuality, exploring these themes with considerable depth. For anyone seeking a more comprehensive examination of how labels can both support and limit our self-understanding, I highly recommend engaging with her work.
If pressed to use labels, I might describe myself as "heteroflexible" and "pansensual," as these terms broadly encompass how I experience attraction and relationships. Yet I also recognise that my sexuality contains subtleties that no label can completely capture, and I'm comfortable with that reality. What matters to me isn't discovering the perfect terminology, but rather understanding and accepting myself authentically.
If any of this speaks to your own experience, please know you're not alone in this territory. Sexuality encompasses tremendous complexity, yet within that complexity exists space for all of us to express ourselves genuinely. Labels optional.
If you feel drawn to explore these aspects of yourself further, I'd welcome the opportunity to connect.
Axel Meridius · Independent Male Escort
