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Please be aware that the information contained within this blog is of a general nature based on my own personal research and experiences. These are psychological frameworks that can either provide a great deal of pleasure for all participants, and can also be psychological mindsets that bring a great deal of pain and trauma. Please be safe and cautious should you experiment within the physical realm. There are people who will provide you a safe, comfortable environment to explore and there are dangerous people on both sides that can bring a great deal of pain and trauma to your life. Should you need professional guidance, I recommend doing the due diligence required and finding a good sexologist; taking this paper as your reference point if necessary to explain where your interests started. This is an ADULT form of entertainment and fun. Always be safe, sane, and consensual. Should you be an educated, experienced and respectful individual within this field and believe anything within this blog to be misleading or false please reach out and educate me; I love learning and expanding my view.
Both the sadist & the masochist receive a bad reputation by the public and general society today. The sadist is a hidden psychopath or sociopath just trying to find a way to hurt, abuse and harm other people; the masochist is just someone who is addicted to the feeling of pain because that is all they have ever experienced. To the general public and society they both need therapeutic help, medication and Jesus. And look yes, sometimes trauma can lead to, or stem from these tendencies of kink, however you will come to learn that some of the psychological ways of thinking behind these forms of fun have been engraved in human nature since we were bacteria, and that enduring pain can be therapeutic to some people. For those of you still laughing at my remark of Jesus, well there are some Christians who have embraced the kink lifestyle and it has kept their marriage & life in-tact. Just because you have consensual fun inflicting and receiving pain, does not mean you are a devil worshipper. Using his name off face value and the few videos I have watched of him, I would like to reference 'Texas Dom', an American who became a Dominant with his Submissive wife to apparently save their marriage. He talks about loving his wife and kids, accepting responsibility, attending church, and being a good strong man. And when kinky sex, war, chaos, painful initiations, leaders and followers have been around since the dawn of time you will see that these ways of thinking have always been a part of human nature. Both the 'good' & 'bad'.
The Sadist
The sadist – A person who gets pleasure, sometimes sexual, by being cruel to or hurting another person. (1)
When you read this you probably think of the most horrible person; maybe a psychopath, sociopath, someone evil, someone who treats everyone like dirt. And while psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists, and down right bad people do fall into the category of a sadist there are a lot of kind, empathetic, good hearted, nurturing people who enjoy inflicting pain on willing masochists who consent to the fun.
As I have matured mentally and spiritually I have learnt two things about human nature. We have a huge capacity to belong, to be apart of a community, to look after someone or something else – maybe a plant, an animal, another human etc; to act in a way that is relatively good. Provide, Protect, Preserve. Though on the opposite side of the coin is the desire to conquer, hold power, be important, and to self-indulge. Let's say you believe in science and the fact that we have evolved over hundreds of thousands of years and started as a microorganism - a bacteria. We had to fight the other bacteria to continue surviving, then we evolved into a more primitive species of animal where just like chimpanzees we had to fight and kill other animals to survive and conquer. It was and is the animal kingdom, no different to a tiger killing a deer today. We have had violence engraved within our minds long before our great, great, great, great, great grandparents were a spec of sand in their parents mind. Thankfully and said respectfully, the evolution of a conscious society has meant this violent tendency has been removed or mitigated from the normalities of everyday life. We no longer have to hunt for a kangaroo, a deer, or a rabbit. We now have supermarkets and farms that allow us to safely buy this food and consume or provide for our homes. The over consumption, and waste of these foods is something for another blog.
While there is constantly war happening around the world, everyday 'good' people – of Australia at least; do not have to fight with a spear, bow & arrow, or gun just to keep their house or suburb from being invaded. The residences of Chermside are not plotting to invade and conquer the residence of Newstead. 'Woke' people will see invasions happening all around the world, spiritually, mentally, and physically. Fundamentally being an Australian resident means you have water, food, and a place to live. Yes I am aware that there are people who live in tents at the moment, there are people struggling without warm water to shower or filtered water to drink, and barely enough money to provide for their families. But that is political conversation for another day. Just stay with me please. Since we were a micro-organism, we have had to fight to either defend or conquer, and while I do believe we live in a time now where as an entire planet we should be able to live together without trying to conquer someone else's land, there are some people that just won't get the message. Which goes down a whole other rabbit whole, and we are not about to dig a discursive burrow. The point that you need to be aware of about sadism from a scientific and psychological point of view is that we have been violent creatures for a very long time. So the enjoyment that derives itself from seeing someone else in pain or fear is just as inherent as the enjoyment that we receive when we care, love and nurture someone or something we care about.
Now let's look at a religious point of view.
The Christian New International Version
(3)
John 3:36 (NIV)
"Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God's wrath remains on them."
Nahum 1:2 (NIV)
"The Lord is a jealous and avenging God; the Lord takes vengeance and is filled with wrath. The Lord takes vengeance on his foes and vents his wrath against his enemies."
Hebrews 10:31 (NIV)
"It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God."
Matthew 10:28 (NIV)
"Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell."
Now this is just from Christian Bible. I know from brief studies, that the Buddhist belief system preaches peace and non-violent actions, though acknowledges that in certain situations wrath must be taken into your own hands. The Quran is also filled with strong actions of violence towards those who are to be punished. From heaven, earth, to hell, violent acts are talked about in all religions. If God created humans in the image of himself, and God has wrath, then humans too would inherently attribute wrath.
"So we can go around destroying everything, killing innocent people who don't believe in our beliefs, go take over our neighbours to conquer our street?" hahaha NO!
When you understand that both science and religion prove the mere fact that we have the capabilities of violent actions, it is much easier to see how some people find pleasure in CONSENSUAL sadism.
In a consensual scenario a masochist communicates with a sadist and they both talk about boundaries, what they enjoy, what they set as a hard limit. For example, one Sadist might really enjoy flogging the ass cheeks of a masochist with a leather whip, but hates bodily fluid and would never be able to give someone a golden shower or use fake blood to enact a fear based scene. The Sadist may enjoy domineering the submissive masochist by using them as a footstall, ordering them to make them food and drink, or ordering them to suck their penis/ eat their pussy on command. But may never want to fist the willing masochists arsehole. Some masochists will tell you to cleanly put a closed fist across their jaw; you as a sadist may not feel comfortable doing that so you will not do it. There are some things some sadists are willing to do, and things that some sadist are not willing to do. Some sadists just like the psychological control, some like inflicting physical pain. There are different types of sadistic & masochistic pleasure. Experienced sadists who have fun within the consensual realm can be some of the nicest people you ever meet.
I would like to acknowledge that before you do experiment with these extreme acts of adult fun to do a little bit of research in how to have fun safely, even something as simple as choking can be done very poorly; pulling someone's hair can feel incredible or it can feel like torture. Communication is key and if the person you are experimenting with is not respecting your boundaries get out of the situation! Because otherwise one, both or all involved could end up hurt mentally, spiritually, and/ or physically. Using safe words is the best way of communicating your comfort level; a very simple red, yellow, green system is the easiest way. Red means stop everything immediately; yellow means slow things down or turn the intensity down; green means resume. Obviously as you become more experienced or develop some form of relationship with your partner(s), you might come up with different safe words. I have different safe words in my personal life to my professional life, for work I will always use red, yellow, green.
Another thing I would like to put forth to any sadist having fun with masochists is the simple act of applauding your masochist when they say red or yellow. There are masochists who like to push their limits and do not want to let the sadist see them as meek, and so by giving them a simple "Well done", "Good job", "You did well", "Good girl", "Good boy" etc, when they use the safe words, gives the masochist the safety to know you (the sadist/ top) accepts their limit. Conversely as the sadist, when they hear the masochist express their limit the sadist can trust that masochist will communicate their limits without putting themselves in danger. Because the truth is, in the world of ADULT fun, consensual sadists and masochists enjoy the experience a great deal and do not want any real harm to come to the other person.
The Masochist
The masochist – A person who derives sexual pleasure from being hurt or controlled by another person. (2)
"Pain is just a feeling to let you know you are still alive" – Hellraiser.
As you may know the human body can take a beating and keep on going. People survive car accidents; concussions; broken arms heal; you could smoke cigarettes for five years, quit and then over the course of five to ten years the body will heal itself. Conversely you can also die in less than a second.
When under extreme stress, or a life-threatening injury presents itself, your body floods with adrenaline. You will feel less pain, maybe have a second life, have more energy; it's remarkable really.
From my experiences and knowledge that's what excites a masochist, you're in a consensual space where you can push your pain, stress, and psychological threshold, while trusting that the person inflicting the pain will not push you over the edge. The pain does not have to be subject to the physical realm either. You could install fear into someone which will mentally stimulate the fight or flight response, you could degrade someone and make them feel powerless with your words – imagine a powerful individual who usually has everyone 'fear' them, they may enjoy someone making them feel inferior in the privacy of the bedroom. It's a mental, physical, and spiritual experience to see just how much your body can endure, how much your mind can take, how strong you are mentally, physically, and spiritually. It is and can be form of meditation for some people. It feels empowering. It makes you feel strong.
Through out the centuries there have been initiations for boys to become men, painful initiations that have sometimes caused death. Think of the Papua New Guinea tribe that wear ant gloves, think about the Spartans, there is an African tribe that cut their skin repetitively so deep that they shower in their own blood – The Crocodile initiation (4). The scars look like that of a crocodile's back. As a man, being a masochist could be appealing because through the times enduring some form of pain has been your transcendence into manhood.
From a female perspective, you may enjoy relinquishing control to a stronger, more destructive body because you as the feminine inherently want to serve and please your superior. Let them have their way with you, let them do whatever they want, hungry to devour you. But you want it in a way that means there are roses, chocolates, and cuddles at the end from someone who actually cares about you. Childbirth is an extremely painful experience, women are not meek, and so female masochists may to enjoy seeing how much pain they can physically endure.
Historically there have always been leaders and followers, but I think that the term of being a leader or a follower would just play into the parent category of Dominant & Submissive. Because you could enjoy following and serving someone, but hate pain. And really has anybody ever loved pain, I would argue that it is the mental conditioning that makes people enjoy pain, or at least not fear pain. No sane everyday individual will say to another individual, "Would you please grab a whip and whip me until I'm crying and bleeding on the ground". When soldiers are put through extreme training and beaten to a pulp do you think they just stand there and take the beating – if instructed to of course they will do the best they can to not move, but otherwise they will fight back so that their body gets away from the pain. If you put two signs in the middle of the busy area with one saying give a free punch, and one saying receive a free punch I personally believe you would have more people line up to give a free punch. Usually humans want to take for themselves and not give, but in this situation I think a lot of people would become the most generous givers the world has ever seen.
There is a lot of fun that can be had as a masochist, only if you are in the right environment with the right person.
Conclusion
I personally identify as a switch. I like to be a top sadist, and I like to be a bottom masochist. Though my masochist kinks will stay in my private life and are not things I would let just anyone do. You may find it strange that I know I have a masochist side without an overtly large experience in being a masochist, but I've just done some things to know what I like and what I don't and why I like what I like. I have experimented with my top side more and enjoy that dynamic. Two things that must be emphasised if you are going to be a top is learning the importance of your own boundaries and aftercare. You do not need to do everything, and you are allowed to decline certain acts should you not feel comfortable. Aftercare is about you and the other person. Whether that is cleaning your subordinate, showering with them, cuddling, body tickles and affection, bringing your masochist back to the safe space of reality and letting them know that they are now safe. Even in the days proceeding, check in to make sure they are okay mentally and physically. Take the time to bring yourself back to reality; meditate, watch a movie, stretch, hydrate, workout, eat some good food; do whatever you enjoy to bring you back to a level head. Should you be experienced within this realm you may not need a lot of time if any to bring yourself back to reality; you may just need a shower or bath by yourself to feel grounded. You understand yourself and the situation enough to know that it was all just fun.
Now while I have openly disclosed the fact that sexually I identify as a switch for this kink I do not always recommend everyone else publicly do the same thing. People will judge you, they will make remarks, and yes some people will be curious and ask enthusiastic questions, but may also have a big mouth and share your new experimentation with the entire floor that you work on. This may sound obvious, but if you do extensive research and learn more about this world you may want to openly share it with your world, which is not always the best. I am a sex worker and so the conversation of kink is very easy and comfortable for me, people already judge me because I am an escort. While I am about bringing a positive change to the conversation of sex, it needs to be done in a smart way. People will tell you that you should just openly express your sexuality and your kinky desires, you'll turn around and say, "I want 10 people to piss in my mouth while my hands are tied behind my back" and all of a sudden no one wants to be your friend anymore. Sometimes sex needs to be kept subdue and private.
Hopefully this has been educational to any new comers or people who have never researched into kinks. Should this have installed curiosity, do extensive research, find out what you like and don't like and have some fun. Enjoy the new world that is opened to you! Always remember to take things slow, moving to fast in the area of kink can do damage to everyone involved including yourself, always be clear with your communication, set boundaries, respect yourself and respect the person you are having fun with.
Below is a link to a YouTube kink educator that started me on the journey. Very friendly normal looking dude, welcoming to all, and a great entry level to kink.
https://www.youtube.com/@DepravedASMR
Should you want to find a community FetLife is a great place to find other kinksters, going to events is a great place to explore as well. Should you not like communities for any range of reasons, I do offer a selected range of kink services for your own private pleasure. From spiced vanilla to extreme. Just send me an email outlining what it is you desire, and I will let you know if I can bring that fantasy to life.
Email: [email protected]
Stay safe. Stay sane. Stay Consensual.
Thank you for reading,
L. Soule.
References
1) Sadist – A person who gets pleasure, sometimes sexual, by being cruel to or hurting another person.
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/sadist
2) A masochist – A person who derives sexual pleasure from being hurt or controlled by another person.
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/masochist
3) Now let's look at a religious point of view. The Christian New International Version
https://chatgpt.com/
"Please give me 10 verses from the Christian bible where the wrath of god is talked about. labeling each verse correctly"
4) The Crocodile initiation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oJDOh3VSoxQ
