Date posted:
Most people don't realise how significantly porn has influenced their understanding of sex.
I'm not here to shame anyone for watching porn. Axel and I create it ourselves. But as an intimacy provider, I witness the damage caused when people assume what they've seen on screen is an accurate instruction manual for their own intimate lives.
The expectations people bring about body types, arousal speed, communication styles and sexual performance often come directly from a medium designed purely for visual entertainment. When real encounters don't match these scripted fantasies, people feel inadequate, confused or broken.
Understanding what porn actually is
Porn is performance art optimised for the viewer's visual experience. Every element has been carefully choreographed and edited to create maximum on-screen impact. What you're watching was designed to look exciting from a camera angle, not to represent authentic pleasure.
Actual intimacy centres on connection, communication and shared enjoyment. It's unpredictable, personal and involves constant adjustment. Real sex includes negotiation, honest feedback and being fully present with another person.
The gaps
Physical diversity: Porn casts performers based on specific mainstream characteristics rather than representing how bodies actually look. This narrow selection creates warped expectations about normal bodies Every genital configuration, breast shape, body hair pattern and physique variation you might feel self-conscious about is actually completely normal and perfectly capable of experiencing and providing pleasure.
Arousal mechanics: Porn suggests arousal happens within seconds. Bodies appear instantly ready for intense activity without preparation or warm-up. Reality requires considerably more time, particularly for people with vulvas who typically need 20 to 45 minutes for full physical arousal. Porn also hides lubricant use, implying bodies produce endless natural lubrication regardless of circumstances. This couldn't be further from truth.
Communication absence: Porn characters intuitively understand exactly what partners want without discussion. Everyone proceeds through activities without negotiating consent or checking comfort levels. Real relationships require explicit communication about boundaries, desires and preferences throughout intimate encounters. Learning to communicate clearly about sex demonstrates emotional intelligence and genuine care, making it much more hot!
Penis myths: Porn predominantly features considerably larger than average penises (average is 12 to 16 centimetres) that maintain rigid erections throughout marathon sessions. Real penises fluctuate naturally based on stress, tiredness, temperature, medication and dozens of other factors. Erections might strengthen and soften multiple times during encounters. This is completely normal human physiology.
Climax: Porn portrays simultaneous, dramatic orgasms that occur reliably from any activity. Reality is far more variable. Most women require direct clitoral stimulation rather than penetration alone. Orgasms arrive at different paces for different people, present differently and don't necessarily happen during every satisfying encounter. Porn's performative climaxes pressure people to fake responses or feel broken when their authentic reactions are quieter.
Our approach to creating content
Axel and I produce content for OnlyFans specifically because we want people to witness genuine intimacy between partners who actually care about one another.
We don't always edit out the authentically human moments. Our content includes spontaneous laughter, position adjustments when something becomes uncomfortable and occasional mid-session giggles. We leave in the communication that happens during real sex, the checking in and asking "does this feel good?" because that's how actual connection works.
Subscribers frequently tell us that witnessing our authentic affection, our communication and our obvious care for each other has transformed their understanding of what they should seek in their own relationships. They've discovered that the imperfect human moments don't diminish intimacy. They create it.
THE framework Change
Find accurate education: Actively seek evidence-based information about anatomy, arousal patterns, communication importance and sexual diversity from quality sources.
Develop communication skills: Practice discussing boundaries, desires and preferences during non-sexual moments first. This builds comfort for communicating during intimate encounters.
Broaden your definitions: Intimacy includes countless activities. Explore what genuinely feels pleasurable rather than what you assume should work based on porn.
Release body shame: Focus on what your body experiences and creates rather than how it appears. No particular appearance is required for pleasure, desire or connection.
Accept imperfection: Real encounters include interruptions, adjustments, unexpected laughter and moments requiring problem-solving. Being authentically human rather than performative creates better intimacy.
Final thoughts
Porn serves valid purposes as fantasy and entertainment when understood appropriately. The damage comes from inadequate comprehensive sex education that would provide context for what people see.
Authentic intimacy is messier, funnier and more connecting than porn depicts. It requires vulnerability, communication and presence. It won't always look polished, but it feels real.
Your intimate relationships don't need to mirror porn to be fulfilling. Stop attempting to recreate fantasies and start discovering what genuinely works for you and your partners. The goal isn't matching some imaginary standard. It's feeling connected, present and alive in your body and relationships.
That's authentic intimacy, and it's infinitely more beautiful than any performance.
Love Evie
